Why The Twilight Saga is the Worst

I'm going to start with one of the most obvious problems with Twilight: Edward Cullen. First of all, if you've read/seen Divergent, you know who Four is. If you know who Four is, you probably know what Four's tattoo is like. Now, imagine that huge tattoo on Edward's pasty, scrawny, hairy back. See that? No way can he pull that off. It's not even a fraction as hot. (Twihearts would point out that Jacob could pull off Four's faction tattoo. I would agree and then point out that Bella wasn't smart enough to choose Jacob.)

Now, look at this:

In the books, Bella describes Edward as being "Godlike". I have no idea where she was coming from, but I can say that this isn't godlike. This is a zombie. And the combo of the red hair and white skin? Too much white makeup, guys too much. And, he's over 100 while Bella's barley legal at 18. Gross. And he has no right to know where Bella is 24/7 or keep her from hanging out with her werewolf friends. That's actually a trait of an abusive relationship right there. And he watches Bella sleep. That is in NO WAY anywhere near as attractive as Bella would have us believe. It's creepy.

And the fans? Forty year old moms are allowed to obsess over young actors, but dads aren't allowed to drool over attractive young actresses? Doesn't seem quite right.

Ah, Bella. She's stupid. She stays with Edward even though she's a jerk and, like I said, she wasn't smart enough to choose Jacob. The author tried to leave her personality and appearance open so the reader could see Bella how he/she wanted to. But we then learn she's a terrible liar, a klutz, and has an impressive lack of judgment. Despite her irritating personality, she has, what, four guys chasing after her? C'mon, we know that's not realistic. She is unable to do anything without help from the guys in her life, (Sexist, anyone?) and she has no real personality.

All you guys on Team Jacob may hate me for this - Jacob isn't too great either. I, mean his favorite thing in the world is to be shirtless, he has serious anger issues, and he's arguably a pedophile. Nessie, despite what she may look like, is really only one or two. Jacob is at least sixteen. Neither of them are even legal here. His favorite thing in the world is to be shirtless

Forks isn't given enough credit. It seems like it would be a wonderful place to live, and it’s certainly beautiful in the movies. But, because of Bella's downer attitude, it's painted as an awful place to live.

And the plot? I mean, I get that this is a love story, but what about all the little side plots? James, Marcus, etc. - it's like Meyer is throwing stuff in our face to keep us entertained while she searches (unsuccessfully) for a legit story line. And there are plenty of interesting things that are never resolved, like that thingy with ghost-Edward in New Moon.

Twilight used to be a word we used to describe that time right before dark. It was a beautiful, tasteful word. Now? It's an infamous reminder of why there is no hope for humanity and has become a role model for an ungodly number of vampire novels that not only paint vampires in a bad light, but give young, impressionable children unrealistic expectations for their love life. And, of course, let's not forget Teams Edward and Jacob, who have divided a worldful of teens. (Like, seriously. You wouldn't believe what some of the hard core fans are like. I mean, this is something that there could be, at this rate, a minor war over in the future.) But, if you've read this, you can now see the undoubted stupidity of the series. You're welcome.

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